Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
