her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
