Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize