I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
