did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
