I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
