when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
