he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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