Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
