If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
