we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
