I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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