I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
