i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
