Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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