when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
