Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
