Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
