he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
