I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Alive.
So much puke
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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