so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
