I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
