Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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