nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
