well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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