Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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