Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
