I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
