sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
