He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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