Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
