I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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