I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
