I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
