I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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