Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
