I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
