I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
