woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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