I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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