the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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