hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
