you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
