K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize