One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
