Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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