And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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