I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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