My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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