Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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