His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
now i know why i became what i already was.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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