Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
