Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize