This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
