Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
