if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
