I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am mentally ready for anal.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
