...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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