So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
