So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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