He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
3pm strippers are depressing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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