On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
