Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
