Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
