I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
