My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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