I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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